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Online dating can be uplifting or uncomfortable

(In some cases only people’s online user names are used in this story to protect their identity.) Three months ago, Peter Firla married a woman he met online.
Online_Dating
Former Sudburian Peter Firla met the love of his life through ChristianCafe.com. He and his wife Helga were married in March of this year.

(In some cases only people’s online user names are used in this story to protect their identity.)


Three months ago, Peter Firla married a woman he met online.

When he first “met” his future wife in February 2008 through Internet dating site ChristianCafe.com, he lived in Sudbury and she lived in Edmonton.

“I was planning to confine my search to Ontario, and had met a number of women through the site who I had been exchanging e-mail with,” Firla said. Then, out of the blue, he was messaged by Helgah711 from Edmonton, Alta.

“Despite being three provinces apart, something about our wordy ChristianCafe.com profiles intrigued the other person, and we each realized after a few e-mail exchanges and then telephone conversations that there was something very special about the other person,” Firla said.

Checking out the dating site was a typical part of his day. After feeling comfortable talking to each other for about a month online, Firla and Helga met in person for the first time inside a café in Edmonton. They spent a few days together going to the symphony, meeting with Helga’s friends and getting to know one other.

“I was, of course, ready with excuses to leave if it turned out after a while that she wasn’t my type,” Firla said.
The excuses were never used.

Soon enough, flights between Edmonton and Sudbury were regular.

After getting married, Firla moved out to Edmonton to join her.

For busy parents Brigitte Labby, 40, and Dave Hamilton, 48, finding time to date was a challenge.

“Being both parents to two children ... life was good, life was busy, but something was missing,” Labby said.
She wanted companionship and found it in Hamilton when the pair met through Plentyoffish.com.

Labby is no beginner to the dating game.

“During my single years, I actually experienced over 30 blind dates,” she said. “Either through a friend or online. I met wonderful people. However, a ‘spark’ was missing.”

With the spark now ignited, Labby and Hamilton say they are planning to move in together this fall.

Online dating works out for some people, but not everyone walks away from his or her web browser feeling refreshed.

For some people, online dating can be an uncomfortable experience.

One woman, who calls herself 705Gurl on Plentyoffish.com said, “this one guy I used to talk to, my friend’s friend hooked up with. It turns out he was charged with six counts of assault on his (former) girlfriend.”

She is also uneasy about using the site sometimes because people whom she has never talked to will message her and ask to meet right away.

“There’s a lot of strange people on there,” she said. “I get e-mails that are like, ‘Hey, want to go out this weekend?’ I don’t even have a picture up. I could be anyone.”

Polly, a contributor to onlinedatingmagazine.com, says she has had her fair share of “creepy” would-be suitors.

She met a man named Guido (name changed), through online dating, who was overcoming a narcotics addiction and was suffering from post traumatic stress disorder from time spent working as a nurse.

“I had no issue with the recovery from (the) narcotics addiction. It seemed, however, to be consuming his life,” Polly said. “I ended it after two dates when, upon ending the second date, he asked me to exclusively see him. I refused, and we ‘broke up.’”

A month later, Polly was sleeping “soundly at midnight on a Saturday,” when she heard a knock at her front door.
“I jumped from my bed in a white panic, and ran for the door, grabbing a blanket to cover myself,” Polly said. “I went to the front window to see who it was and wondering if someone had the wrong apartment. Upon parting the blinds, I heard my name and a familiar voice saying ‘It’s Guido.’”

According to Polly, after answering the door, Guido said, “I would have called but I washed my cell phone in my pants.”

Oddly enough, Polly had never given Guido her address, or brought him home with her.

“This man had never been to my house and only has my cell phone number,” Polly said. “He had no way of knowing where I lived or how to obtain the information. I never took him to my house.”

Polly had to find out how he found her.

“I asked how he found where I lived and he creepily replied that he had an easier time looking for me when I had out-of-state plates on my car,” she said. “Needless to say, I ended the conversation quickly. It was rather scary and an experience I will not forget easily.”

Greater Sudbury Police Services Cyber Crime unit was contacted for this story, but could not be reached for an interview concerning the risks involved with online dating.

Whether it ends in marriage or a “creepy” midnight visit, online dating has to start somewhere.

More and more people are starting to turn to it as a viable source for meeting people.

According to information on its website, Plentyoffish.com says it has more than 10 million members and creates about 800,000 new relationships each year.

For Firla, “It was hard to meet someone in my age group with similar interests.”

Online dating may be a relatively new phenomenon, but the reasons people pursue it are as old as the practice of dating itself.

For one Plentyoffish.com user, known as Lonelyone87, she “just got out of a long-term relationship,” and is “looking to make some friends right now.”

Razzybaby, a user on OKCupid.com, said she is “just looking to see who’s out there.”

Sudbury resident David Eckert said he met his girlfriend through Facebook. Although the site isn’t directly geared toward online dating, Facebook aims to “make the world more open and connected.”

Close enough for Eckert.

“I did a profile search for other people who were looking for dating and/or a relationship,” Eckert said. “After some searching of a few profiles, I came across hers.”

The two chatted online for a couple weeks before Eckert made the “big leap” to go meet his mystery girl in Timmins, roughly three hours away from his home of Sudbury.

“As it so happened, we had some real life mutual friends who could tell us that the other was a real person, and not a creep,” he said.

Eckert said he thinks online dating is catching on.

“You can visit many sites in a night, without spending money on gas or cabs, and no one will slip things in your drink.”

On Thefrisky.com, a website for women which focuses on articles about dating, love and sex, editor Amelia McDonell-Parry summed up her experience with online dating.

“I mean, in a way I think it’s been a success,” she wrote. “I met someone fantastic who I wouldn’t have met otherwise. But there are a lot of duds too. It’s kind of like going thrift shopping. You really have to search the racks to find a winner, but then it’s one of a kind.”


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